Abandonment
by ShadowSpirits
Summary: (Yaoi: YxH) Yusuke, Hiei, Kurama, Kuwabara, and Botan have returned from what they call a Suicide Mission. Somehow they lived - but hardly. It was an experience they'd never forget.


This is a Hiei/Yusuke fic…I meant to write this as a Christmas present and was caught up. So it's a dedication fic, which to me feels really important to do. Ever since I've gotten my game Final Fantasy XI: Online, I've been hardly ever on JUST AOL, so I feel like I've abandoned some of the people. I don't mean to! Really….I'm just in love with this game….*sigh*

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Warnings: Yaoi Hiei/Yusuke if you didn't catch the first sentence. And slight Koenma/Botan. Mucho angst. 

OOC chars….they kind of are. But as you go through the fic, they really aren't. They've really been through Hell and back in a way. And you know….the title has nothing to do with the story. -.-;; Oh well.

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Dedicated to: Snare-chan (LoverofSilverHairedBishies). Weeee. Sappy next part XD

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To Snare: I feel bad for never being on anymore…been on my game almost whenever I could. There've been so many times where I'd be just randomly sitting around trying to find a group and wish I was only checking up on life and such - even the occasional role-play, lol, no matter how short they seemed to get with my absences. I really think of you as a great friend, and a great person at that. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise - they'd be blind fools if they did. And there are a lot of them in this world, which is a true shame. This fic goes out to you because you like I love the pairing and I think it's a good way for me to reach out to you when I can't while I'm on my game. And of course I'll try to occasional pop on ^^;;; Like when I have a fic I should catch up on when slaughtered…. *Huggles* To you, Snare-chan.

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." -David Borenstein

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Abandonment 

"After that last task, you all have reason to be tired. So I'm allowing you all a vacation - don't waste it!" Koenma's voice called out in a raised tone as he stood up on his chair, leaning over his desk to look over at the group standing before him. Distantly, he heard Kuwabara mention something vague about their vacation not being long as Koenma would most likely call them back in a week. He promptly ignored that comment. 

"It will be a decent vacation. I _do _have eyes. By the looks of your ruffled forms you all took a beating down there. I mean, it's not everyday you're fighting demons underwater," he gave a laugh to try and lighten some of the torn and tired faces, but it didn't do much good. He gave a slight sigh, "Now -" but then paused, casting his eyes over the group again. "…Where's Hiei?"

The question hit as a wake-up call and the other's glanced around. Yusuke, who had been standing closer to the front of the group shifted in his clothes, the old essence of them being hidden by dirt and blood stains and the remainder of water that had yet to dry out. His hair was a complete mess, ruined and shaggy enough that it would take a miracle to have to back to the way it was. His arms were loosely crossed over his torso as he glanced behind him and around, raising a tired brow at the fact that the short demon was in fact, missing in action, "I'm sure he came in with us…"

Botan, her own hair let down along her back and surprisingly had someone else's blood within the locks, counted over the group. Their was no missing Yusuke, and Kuwabara's stomach made him known, and even with Kurama's calm and silent nature she could take note of his presence, and then of course there was herself. All to be missing - the black haired demon. She thought over one of their last battles and bit her lip, slumping her shoulders slightly, "I'm…sure he's just healing some of his wounds…."

The group fell into deeper silence than they were a moment ago.

Koenma stared at them in confusion, having been unable to see the last two battles the group fought below sea level. Some static problem struck and disrupted most of their systems at the time. But just his confused look didn't seem to get an answer from them and he finally spoke out, sitting back in his chair, "What happened? Yusuke fought, he won with ease, ta-da."

Kurama was the first to lift his eyes up to the other, noting Yusuke was shifting, looking very uneasy and sick all the while. The fox-demon put it out plain and simple, "Yusuke was not the fighter in the final battle."

"What?" again, Koenma found himself leaning forward now.

Silence filled the room once more. A dreadful, eerie one. The only sound filling the room was the tapping of Koenma's fingers on his desktop, waiting for an explanation…for the first one to crack and spill the truth. "Well?"

"Look," Yusuke nearly snapped, taking a sudden breath to control himself. "I couldn't fight the last battle, I used my energy up in the previous one and nearly died on that one. I was going to go again anyway, but Hiei hit me with the hilt of his sword and stepped forward to take my place," he unconsciously clenched a fist at his side, "he was hardly even breathing when he came out of the fight…"

Koenma said nothing for a long moment, finally crossing his arms and shutting his eyes, relaxing before speaking for the last time. "There's a meal in the dining hall, some other thought you deserved it after that. If you wish to leave, you may, I'm not stopping anyone. But _someone_ find Hiei," he mumbled slightly. _I'd rather not have a dead demon on the floor…_

The group slowly, like a new breed of slug, moved out of the room. Yusuke paused, hanging his head slightly and whispering for the others to hear, "I'll go find him. Everyone else…just rest…and try to forget that……that place."

Kurama fell by his side as the others continued ahead, walking slowly down a different hallway with the other. Neither said a word…they didn't need to at that moment. Both sets of eyes held to the floor, guilt slightly mixed in each though there was more within Yusuke's. "I doubt any of us will ever forget that second Hell," Kurama stated, for once there was a sense of uneasiness in his voice and he turned away.

"I know," Yusuke murmured back, "I know. I just wish we could. The scars from those demons will never fade."

There was a nod from the fox-demon that Yusuke couldn't see, their backs facing each other when they finally continued in separate directions.

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Blackness filled around the body, the cloak-like coat falling off his body on all side, his arms within the sleeves as if hiding more than normal. Hide the tarnished blood, hide the scars, hide the truth. It all _hurt _so bad. He should have never fought…he should have never entered that battle…he…

He had to.

Hiei's breath caught and he stumbled as the world dived diagonally around him and he just barely held steady with the near wall. His eyes lulled shut, breath still ragged, but at least it was present. At least he wasn't fighting for his life like he had not long ago. But if not him…it would have been Yusuke. The human would have been fighting a battle he couldn't win. Those demons…they were the definition of unreal. Each one of them, in every fight they were in, they were serpents. _No, no they weren't_, Hiei mentally corrected himself as he took a step from the wall in order to make sure he could walk. They sometimes were serpents…other times…they seemed like an abnormal human with discolored skin, some scales here and there, one of the ones Hiei fought had gills. They were always changing…always made sure they had the advantage.

__

They had it anyway. They knew how to fight underwater, he rubbed a hand over his forehead. Before the group had left on what they referred to on the trip back as the Suicide Mission, Koenma found some random woman to give them the ability to breath underwater…that didn't mean they could fight any better. 

If he remembered correctly, the case was that these serpent-beings were destroying all life in the waters of the Demon World and were beginning to plan for flooding the rest of the area with water to rule over that. So they were sent to terminate the plan - kill the demons. Once more, assuming Hiei's memory was intact, it was Kurama who…started to fight. And then he was mobbed over before they could do anything and taken.

Kurama refuses to mention what they did, which is a first time for the demon to never talk to Hiei. Kuwabara's fight; the human somehow managed to kill the demon, but it was afterwards they realized that it wasn't a full demon he fought. That certain serpent was once weakened and ended up possessing a human child, so in the end…Kuwabara killed the child. 

Luckily, Botan didn't have to fight…the demons seemed to have something against killing a woman. 

Dizziness wove into Hiei's mind again and he stumbled, quickly unsheathing his sword and maneuvering it as a quick support, its tip digging into the marble flooring. He leant against it weakly, body shaking and refusing to go away. Would it ever go away? 

Heat clung around him, a sickness probably. One of the demons he fought. The first one he didn't kill, but when he was finished he believed it wanted to die. Hiei shattered its spine with the last of his energy, paralyzing it completely and they watched as it crashed to the darker depths of ocean to rot until dead.

__

And then he fought, Hiei thought before his sword slipped and clattered to the ground. His body weakly fell to the ground and he landed on his knees. Footsteps came up behind him and he helplessly felt his body lifted back to his feet. Through a blurry gaze he noted a hand pick up his sword and handed it to him before the form moved in front of him. _Yusuke_, he briefly thought as if the name were a drug. _You managed to kill that demon, after the eleven minutes and thirty seconds that I could count, you managed to shoot it right before its claw would have driven through your heart. _Hiei's body swayed again, forgetting Yusuke was there until a hand was placed to his shoulder and steadied him.

"You look terrible," Yusuke tried to sound humorous to uplift the spirit of the demon, but his voice only came out as a whispered fear of the other's current condition. That's where the guilt continuously cut in on him. If he had had just slightly more strength, he could have went into that battle, not Hiei, and the shorter other would not be this damaged. 

"Thanks. And you look _great _yourself," Hiei threw back as a reaction, though to be honest he wasn't seeing straight, so the comment meant nothing to both of them, even Yusuke knew it was said in a matter of defense.

"You should rest," he stated as if it were the most simple thing in the world.

"I know," Hiei right out agreed, trying to step forward and his leg gave out, causing him to fall a bit against Yusuke…though…he seemed very willing about the positioning as he rested his head against the other's chest. He could feel the other's confusion, who could blame the human? It was first Hiei's response that caught him off guard, and then to have the demon leaning against him as a sign of needing help…well, one can only begin to imagine the questions rising through Yusuke's mind. But only one of them was asked.

"Are you ok?"

"No," came the hardly audible response and the demon swallowed a bit before answering more clearly, "No, I'm not." He used to think he's never say those words. He used to think he'd never admit to pain. He used to think he'd never throw away his life for another's. If only Yusuke knew why he had to do it, why he had to save him… But he wouldn't tell the human why. Not now. Not yet. It was hard enough to admit to being in pain and almost helpless, let alone admit out loud of his feelings.

Yusuke shifted a bit, ignoring the pains his legs held. In fact, his whole body was sore in general - and those were only the pains from fighting through the currents of the water…his other injuries were another story. He put an arm around Hiei as a sign to show his support. He wanted to help, but he was always nervous the other would frown upon his asking and hate Yusuke for it.

"I need…" the small demon started, wincing as pain encircled his inner skull, pressurizing all around and began to cause him to tightly close his eyes, trying to resist the need, the want to cling against the other's body. He unconsciously held the other's shirt in a fist as the pain continued to beat away at him, forcing him to start sinking towards the ground. Hiei held back a cry of pain, grateful when Yusuke helped keep him standing and then moved to hold him close. "…I need rest…sleep…" his voice was shaking as was his body at that point.

"Right…" Yusuke murmured, briefly feeling the other's forehead. No…a fever. "Hiei…did they…did they pierce you with anything at some point…? A needle or something from their body…?" he briefly remembered in his own fight the demon had a spike of some sort on the end of its tail…readying to strike…but it never did. 

"….Might…..have…" his voice rasped and he rolled his head to the side until it rested against the other again. It was at that point the Yusuke finally started to help the other along the way, trying to seek out a room for him. Sleep was only one thing the other needed…

There was a good chance that Hiei was poisoned.

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The remainder of the group ate in silence, each haunted by something they experienced while down under…Kuwabara went to grab a slab of chicken and immediately recoiled, the thought of meat sickened him after seeing what some of those demons were doing to human and other demon bodies. Eating them alive…smiles on their faces… But that wasn't all on the human's mind. He had killed a child. A human child. The boy was possessed by the demon at the time, but when defeat came, the demon recoiled and the child was shown…dead. 

Kuwabara sunk back in his chair, head hung. _Food _sickened him.

Kurama briefly eyed the human and sighed, managing to force different fruits into his stomach. He wasn't foolish. He needed to eat, it would relieve him of him pain…just a little bit. A little bit at a time. Step…by step…bite…by bite… Unconsciously, his hand rose to his neck, cool palm going around it to hide the marks that scattered over it. They would never go away…the scars. The marks. He was glad that no one had yet noticed them, but he knew if they ever recovered…Hiei would question him…

He was afraid to answer his friend.

Botan was the only who quickly ate, but then up and left without a word. She stumbled back to the main office area where Koenma worked the same as he ever did - hardly doing anything. When she entered the room, the servants left and Botan was thankful for that. She moved to the edge of the desk, tears in her eyes. He glanced up when she started to speak, "How could you do that…?"

"…Excuse me?" he blinked a bit.

"How could you send us there…?" she whispered again, the tears threatening their plunge at that point. "How could you?! How could you do that to us!?!" her voice was shouting, the tears riding down her face as she dropped to the ground, arms on the desk and head within them as she sobbed.

"Botan…-"

"Y-You don't understand! You have _no _damn idea how much every one of us suffered!! You can't….you can't and it's not fair! W-Why did we have to go…..why did you make us u-understand the meaning of pain……" her voice lost its roughness as she realized he had left the room, but that never stopped her tears. They wouldn't dry up…she saw it…saw it all…she's seen Kurama…she won't say anything…but she's seen him…the marks on his neck only mean one thing…and Kuwabara, Yusuke, Hiei…they all….she witnessed it all…and she was _useless_. She could only _watch_. "Why did you send me there? Why?! Did you want me to die that bad?!"

A hand rested against her back before a body fell next to her, clutching her, desperate. "No. No, Botan…I didn't want you to die, I thought you could help them with just your presence. I'm….I'm sorry, Botan," Koenma murmured, having taken on his more teen-like form, just to hold her. Just to make her relax. Now…that seemed all _he _could do. It was his turn to feel useless.

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Hiei leant against a wall, cringing afterwards at the feeling his back gave off. His eyes watched as Yusuke opened one of many doors, leading to a hotel styled bedroom. "Jeez, how many rooms does Koenma need? Maybe the little guy likes to have…parties?"

"Hn," the short demon murmured, ignoring the other's attempt with humor. He pushed himself away from the wall, limping shakily into the room and feeling the other help him in by the arm, getting him to sit on the bed. Hiei didn't protest anything, his head was spinning too much for him to even begin. Besides, he wasn't bothered by allowing Yusuke to help him. 

"I know you want to rest, but you should really have your wounds tended to…"

"So should you," Hiei pointed out.

Yusuke shrugged slightly and shook his head, "I'm afraid yours may be worse."

"Excuse me?"

"You have a fever, Hiei," Yusuke began before seeing the other's confusion, "Never mind. Just let me help."

"Whatever," Hiei lowered his head, feeling the rest of his body seer over in pain, the sweat gathering over his face and neck. He briefly saw Yusuke smile before moving away into a bathroom that protruded from the bedroom.

Yusuke grabbed a small bucket from the side of the counter, filling it with lukewarm water and grabbing a few small towels before moving back out by the bed. He eyed over the demon, trying to figure an easy way to do this. "I….uh…need to get to your back," Yusuke finally murmured. He glanced away when the demon managed to unbutton the top part of his robe and slide it down to his waist, allowing Yusuke access to the many wounds on the Hiei's upper body. It was actually Yusuke to suppress a blush before moving onto the bed behind Hiei, taking the bucket and towels with him. "Oh, forgot the disinfect spray," he cursed softly, getting off the bed again and moving back to the bathroom, searching through a few cabinets before finding what he needed.

Hiei waited patiently until the other returned. There were only two people he'd ever allow to help him in such a way, let alone in general. The human currently behind him prepping a towel, and Kurama. The fox-demon was more of a brother to him, though some often thought otherwise. Even with the thought of being like brothers…they've grown more distant as of late.

"This will probably sting."

"I know pain," was Hiei's only response.

Yusuke flinched slightly at the comment, but shook it off and started to dab the cloth with the disinfect spray on it to the wounds on the other's back. He noticed the other wince at the touch and laid his other hand to Hiei's shoulder to comfort the demon slightly, rubbing his fingers in circular motions. That was when his eyes scanned the area slightly, landing to observe the ridge between the other's shoulder and neck. "Hiei…"

"What?" the other raised a brow at the other's worried voice, turning his head to glance at Yusuke. He made a pained sound when the other's fingers brushed against a spot by his neck, pulling away and immediately holding a hand to it in reaction, glaring at the other. "What was the for?!"

"Hiei…you _were_ pierced…you're poisoned….it's spreading, I can _see_ it," Yusuke whispered, panic obviously in his voice. No, no, there was no way he was losing the demon. He was poisoned…just because he was poisoned didn't mean _anything_. Hiei was a fighter, he could make it through anything. Hell, he made it through two fights! _Which would make him weaker_, Yusuke noted in his mind and his face contorted with fear. "….You can't…"

"Yusuke, I'm _fine_," Hiei assured, not understanding the other's worry. 

"No….you're not…you'd be fine normally….but you're _weakened_," the human pointed out, closing his eyes and finally dropping the small towel in his hand and pulling the demon against him, obviously more upset than Hiei had realized. "You can't die on me…"

"I'm…" Hiei turned around in the tightening grip, "I'm not dying, Yusuke…" though it would explain his lack of feeling he'd been having in his mind, the many pressures of numbness against his skull. What if he really was dying? _He doesn't even know how I….feel…_ Hiei bit his lip and lowered his head. Now or never… "Yusuke…"

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Kurama stood before a mirror, face loathing the look of his upper body, his shirt discarded somewhere else in the bathroom. He stripped down the rest of the way, moving into the shower and turning on the cold water, closing the glass door and leaning against a wall of the shower.

He let the water rain over his form, arms encircling his body tiredly to hide some of the bite marks around his torso. They hadn't gone as far to fully claim him…but they went far enough to tear down Kurama's pride.

"Just enough…" the demon murmured allowed and slid down the wall to sit on the smooth stone flooring of the shower stall. The water gathered against him and he crouched together, shutting his eyes and allowing his mind to wander. "The marks will never go away…"

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"….Yusuke….I…" Hiei took a breath, mainly to steady his voice away from the pain continuing to sear through him. "I love you…"

"What…?" the human looked up, eyes unreadable, but he felt frozen. _He…what? He's delusional. It….it has to be the poison…._Yusuke reasoned mentally, not believing the fire demon could possibly share the same feelings as him. He put a hand to the other's face, smoothing the pale skin with his thumb and forefinger. "Hiei. The poison is effecting you more than I thought."

Hiei was torn by the other's words, nearly glaring in response, "You think I'm _lying_?" a nod was his answer. Hiei shook his head away from the other's hand, "I'm not lying, Urameshi! I. Love. You. All right?! Don't you even _realize _that's why I'm in this condition?!"

Confusion struck the human's mind again and he could only stare, not understanding.

"If you had fought, you would be dead right now," Hiei whispered, lowering his head against the other's body. "I easily had rather my death over yours….if you had died…" his body shook slightly, more in pain as more of his form went numb. "……If you had died on me……"

The truth finally settled in Yusuke's mind…the other wasn't giving him false hope. He held the other's shoulders, holding back the urge to cry when he saw the wound by Hiei's neck, black and blue and all sorts of dark colors having spread further on the other's skin. "I didn't die thanks to you, and you luckily didn't die…." he paused, holding Hiei close to him again, "either…." but with that wound…with the poison… Stray tears fell from his eyes and he leant over to kiss the other's cold lips. 

"Y-Yusuke…" Hiei murmured weakly, moving closer to the other's warmth.

"Shhh…" he replied, trying to calm his own body as he continued to kiss the other, rubbing the fire demon's back to try and circulate heat between them. "I'm protecting you, Hiei….I'll…..I'll always protect you……"

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Bwaha…..I couldn't decide if I wanted to kill him or not. So I'll leave that up to all of you. This is the end, it was a one-shot and if in your minds you wanted to see the poor fire demon die, than let him die.

Snareeeeeeee-channnnnn I hope you read this. *pouts* I hope you review saying you did because then I'll never know. Angst…yes, well, you know me. I feed off angst and love tormenting characters. Though…I tormented everyone in this. Normally at least one person is out of the pain…ah…that can be Keiko, I guess XD Who we'll say is still on Earth not knowing anything happened to the team. *shrugs*

I hope it wasn't _too _bad. I think I started typing half of this at like 2am one day…*sighs* That'd my best time to type…except the last two nights I've had nightmares around 2:45 both times o.O;;; Creeper, creeper….*shivers* 

It's always dark and heard to see anything…I think the first one I was fighting with someone in our school's theatre and everything was spinning and I could hear voices and my body went numb so I couldn't tell if I was awake or not. 

Then the second one was really odd and really short. I was in bed and looked over to my computer, but part of it was like in half and in pieces, then there was a weird voice saying something and my head was numb and then I woke up…. Maybe that's a sign that I need more sleep? 

I have mid-terms next week….so I actually HAVE to go to bed early…..

Ja ne all XD 


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